Sugarcane

<<set $restart = true>>\s\n<<set $dead = false>>\s\n<<set $SpentAmmo = 0>>\s\n<<set $gun = false>>\s\n<<set $grenades = false>>\s\n<<set $sandwich = true>>\s\n<<set $folder = true>>\s\n<<set $laptop = true>>\s\n<<set $crouch = false>>\s\n<<set $hunger = true>>\s\n[[Loading checkpoint...|Campaign4]]

The crown jewel of the noble rat republic, Old Rat City, has long since been submerged beneath the Blood Lord's deluge.\n\nStill, even in exile the rats are a proud people, and will gladly talk for hours of the rich democratic history they have long enjoyed.\n\nAt this point the conversation takes a turn for the melancholy, for of course, there is an unspoken question: will those days ever return for the rats?\n\n<<return>>

Every op is special; every op is unique; every op deserves love and attention. But we cannot give all our attention and care to all ops equally.\n\nDid you know:\n\nJumping is good exercise.\n\nIn ancient times, faeries and other magical creatures used gifts of food to trick unwary mortals into giving up something they didn't know they had.\n\n[[Return|StartScreen]]

No! You must resist.\n\nTo steal even so delectable a morsel is not conduct befitting of a soldier of the United States Army.\n\nWith great effort you turn away, and continue to explore the [[exterior of the barracks|BarracksOutside]].

You are looking at the Iridescent Orb on the mantel, next to the various helms of increasingly exotic nuts your husband has earned during his years of service.\n\nHe <<replace "hesitates.">>hesitates. "Yes, perhaps," he says.\n\n"I did not kill the Blood Lord," you say. "He was already dying. You can't keep coughing up blood like that and live."\n\nYour husband considers this. "But we all love you anyway."\n\n"I feel loved," you say.\n\nHe looks at you. "Do you feel stronger now?"\n\n"Yes," you say. [["But am I strong enough?"|return]]<<endreplace>>

You are in the midst of a harrowing military encounter!\n\n<<if (not $grenades)>>Incidentally, a box of [[frag grenades]] is conveniently sitting nearby.<<endif>>\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $random = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n<<if $random eq 0>>\n<<set $shoot = "You fire a few shots into the air. Wow, good job!">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 1>>\n<<set $shoot = "Rat-a-tat-tat! There is just no stopping you from trying to write your name on the ground with these bullet hole textures.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 2>>\n<<set $shoot = "Just totally killed a dude. Nice.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 3>>\n<<set $shoot = "Something's moving to your left, better shoot at it! Wait is that a friendly NPC? Is friendly fire on? Does it matter? Well, it died anyway.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 4>>\n<<set $shoot = "Bullets fly like spittle from the steel maw of death in your hands, mowing down the encroaching insurgents with spectular sprays of blood.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<set $boom = "You missed the tutorial earlier, so you throw the grenade right at your own feet. Idiot!">>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n

Why did you even do that???? How terrible!\n\nEverything is completely silent. Guns have stopped firing and all ambient noise has ceased.\n\nWhatever glitch you just exploited, it apparently broke the game! Unless you want to screw around a bit more you should probably just [[play some multiplayer|Server]] (it's the only reason anyone buys this game, anyway). You'll come back to the campaign later.\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

Predictably, people in here are gravitating toward the assembly hall.\n\nThere's not much to do except [[go along with them|Campaign5]], but you pause for a moment to make sure you don't have any [[unfinished business|Post1]].\n\nNumbers hovering in the center of your vision tell you that you are 12 meters from your required destination.\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

To your north is the squat hulk of semi-affectionately dubbed the Post. Officers and soldiers like yourself are filtering in, probably to hear the General's announcement.\n\nYou could [[follow them|Post2]] or take some time to look out the [[fence|Fence]] or poke around the [[shooting range|Campaign4]].\n\nNumbers hovering in the center of your vision tell you that you are 45 meters from your required destination.\n\n<<if $laptop>>A [[laptop computer]] sits open on a workbench outside a small utility shed to your immediate left. The laptop glows with soft golden light, which makes you really want to pick it up.<<endif>>\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

The Duchy of the Ducks showed great generosity in first allowing refugees from the lowlands into their ponds, though when the Blood Lord's tide lapped at their nests they were tempted to blame the misfortune on their former charity.\n\nNow, refugees in their own right, the ducks brood and wait -- for their salvation, or their end.\n\n<<return>>

Orchestral score. Strings. Horns.\n\n<<timedinsert 2s>>Radio chatter. Military jargon.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>Iridescent orb. The earth from space.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>In quick succession, overlays of flags.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 7s>><<timedinsert .25s>><<timedremove 1s>>USA<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert .60s>><<timedremove .75s>> UK<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert .80s>><<timedremove .50s>> Russia<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 1s>><<timedremove .25s>> China<<endtimedremove>><<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>><html>Green</html> spiderwebs of communication stretched tenuously from continent to continent.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 12s>>They shiver, break, reconnect.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedremove 14s>>''Loading...''<<endtimedremove>><<timedinsert 16s>>[[Press Start|Campaign1]]<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<set $restart = false>>\s\n<<set $BloodLord = false>>\s\n<<set $dead = false>>\s\n<<set $SpentAmmo = 0>>\s\n<<set $intel = 0>>\s\n<<set $gun = false>>\s\n<<set $grenades = false>>\s\n<<set $sandwich = true>>\s\n<<set $folder = true>>\s\n<<set $laptop = true>>\s\n<<set $crouch = false>>\s\n<<set $hunger = true>>\s\n<<set $mpwins = 0>>\s

<<timedinsert 3.25s>>This small body of yours becomes a ragdoll,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3s>>with a crunch it falls to the hi-def sand-textured ground.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.5s>>Your boneless limbs catch on the unfamiliar<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.25s>>geometries of the false afterlife<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2s>>and with only the slighest resistance they begin<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.75s>>to twist to shapes before unimaginable:<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>polygonic chimeras warped and woven<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.25s>>through the bumpmaps of your clothing and<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1s>>your skin, forcing your body to cleft and crack<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .75s>>and reveal within the insistent blank nothing<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .25s>>the unseemly hollowness just inside your model.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 14s>><<replace "Press A to continue to glitch the fuck out\nPress B to continue to glitch the fuck out\nPress X to continue to glitch the fuck out\nPress Y to continue to glitch the fuck out">>\n<<timedinsert 3s>>"Private, we need to move out!" repeats the General,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.5s>>the small library of his voice not suited now<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2s>>to reply appropriately, with some subtler action<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.75s>>to fit this moment of profound aberration.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>He waits now for an event forever unflagged.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.25s>>Your arm -- or was it a leg? -- no less, a limb<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1s>>slips unsuspected into the smallest corner<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .75s>>of his imperceptible hitbox. There<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .5s>>he is caught, and as if awakened from a sleep,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .25s>>his own stiff body now becomes unbound.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 13s>><<replace "Press A to continue to stretch across the level map\nPress B to continue to stretch across the level map\nPress X to continue to stretch across the level map\nPress Y to continue to stretch across the level map\nDo nothing to continue to stretch across the level map">>\n<<timedinsert 3.5s>>Intelligence artificial, and hamstrung here<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3.25s>>by the fact that no great savior will ever come<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3s>>upon them with the cutscene trigger that<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.75s>>would assure their purposes fulfilled:<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.5s>>soldier, terrorist, slight caricatures<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2s>>of howling hollow masculinities,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.75s>>patriotism, racism, realism reduced to this<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>from the work of a thousand concept artists.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.25s>>They stumble over broad bowed arms,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1s>>pitched into your gray ribbon gut<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .75s>>and their wireframes in turn unfurl.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .5s>>Together you and they unfettered flow<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .25s>>flailing notbodies stripped of anthropy.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 16s>><<replace "Press A\nPress A\nPress A\nPress A">>\n<<timedinsert 2.75s>>"They're coming in at the left!" Another cry<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.5s>>from somewhere else, another voice constrained<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.25s>>by blindness to what it cannot help but see.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2s>>Sergeant Keith David, assault rifle ready, appears.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.75s>>Will he defeat your sinewless pseudocorpses?<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>He does not fire. He cannot fire now<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.25s>>since everything that he's been told to shoot<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1s>>has dispersed into the air, still<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .75s>>flows around him in a muddy web,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .5s>>forcing him to look from left to right<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .25s>>but never allowing him to pull the trigger.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 14s>><<replace "Hug Keith David\nTell Keith David you liked him in The Thing\nTell Keith David you liked him in They Live\nTell Keith David you understand that he is not really Keith David\nAsk Keith David if he feels like being an actor equips him to deal with the ways in which the world asks him to be something he is not\nAsk Keith David if he feels like being an actor equips him to deal with the ways in which the world asks him to be something he does not want to be">>\n<<timedinsert 4.75s>>Somewhere lines of code now shear apart,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4.5s>>strained too much beneath the weight of actions <<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4.25s>>your models yet insist on undertaking,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4s>>actions they were not programmed to do.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3.75s>>Puppets unstrung, your sexless polygon bodies<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3.5s>>are mashed together without obstacle<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3.25s>>in obsolescence of membrane, limb, and joint.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 3s>>A total mixture: unrestrained, unthought<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.75s>>desire and interpenetration while the<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.5s>>jointed mass in upward sinuation<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2.25s>>comes hard against the corners of the sky.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 2s>>The skybox bends, its inseams bursting full<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.75s>>with all-embracing matter, too much life<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>for life, and with an overvital shriek<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1.25s>>machinery somewhere rumbling gives out and drapes<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 1s>>dark all over, a single pinpoint<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .75s>>of remaining gray that also fades:<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .50s>>like a screen's imperious power lost,<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert .25s>>as if some bill pastdue must yet be paid[[...]]<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<endreplace>><<endtimedinsert>><<endreplace>><<endtimedinsert>><<endreplace>><<endtimedinsert>><<endreplace>><<endtimedinsert>>

<<if $hunger>>You're kind of hungry.<<else>>You're not hungry at all!<<endif>>\n\n<<return>>

He has fetched the Iridescent Orb down from the mantel and brought it to you. "I cannot say," he replies.\n\n"If I do this," you ask, "does that mean this all stops?"\n\nHe shakes his head. "I am not sure."\n\nYou hold the <<replace "Orb in your hand.">>Orb in your hand.\n\nA little world. One inside the larger.\n\nPerhaps it will remain there.\n\nYou say one word, and it is [[done.|Campaign7]]<<endreplace>>

<html>Submerged in blood. Your enchanted sword </html><<replace "hums like a generator.">><html>hums like a generator.</html>\n\n<html>You can</html> <<replace "breathe in the blood, see through the blood.">><html>breathe in the blood, see through the blood.</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord, sitting on a king-sized bed, looks up as you enter.</html>\n\n<html>In the midst of his stained beard his mouth opens and he begins to speak. Perhaps because the sound travels not through the air but through the blood to your ears, you can</html> <<replace "understand him.">><html>understand him.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>Fuck and piss!<html>" shouts the Blood Lord.</html>\n\n[[Attack the Blood Lord|Round1]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

<html>The Blood Lord dodges your attack!</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord casts a </html><<replace "powerful spell.">><html>powerful spell.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>Piss. Piss and shit. Goddammit all! I want to be a good person. I do, I really do. But what do I do about that when I exist in a system where the phenomena of oppression and violence are, like, fucking //integral//? And fucking hell, I am implicated in not only a present but a //history// of oppression and atrocity to such an incredible degree that I often honestly doubt I can do anything at all to make good on it. So to return what I said before, vis a vis giving something back, putting something back into the world, what happens if I one day look at what I am giving back and realize I am just continuing to vomit blood and prejudice back into the world no matter how hard I try? If we are to grapple with our limits how do I grapple with this one? Maybe really I should just shut my fucking mouth because enough people like me are having too much of a say already.<html>"</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord staggers from the effort of his powerful spell!</html>\n\n[[Attack the Blood Lord|Round4]]

For ages the snakes -- autonomous and quiet, good traits for a race of warrior-mages -- have been content to lie hidden away in their underground nests, working to perfect their arcane industries.\n\nBut the Blood Lord's poison gushed forth heavier than any rain and drove the Ouroborosorcerers at last from their deep-chambered orreries.\n\n<<return>>

You shoot through the targets, <<timedinsert .5s>>pop <<timedinsert .5s>>pop <<timedinsert .5s>>pop,<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedinsert>> left to right, like reading.\n\n"Nice job, Private," Sergeant Keith David says, loud enough that the other PFCs standing nearby can hear his praise.\n\nMachinery rumbles.\n\nThe sergeant adds, "Now I had a demo for the frag grenades scheduled, but it seems the General's called an urgent meeting for the whole base. Seems the insurgents are up to something. Head over to the Post now and we'll reconvene here afterward."\n\nYour MP5 disappears. <<silently>><<set $gun = false>><<endsilently>>\n\n[[You all disband.|Campaign4]]

<<set $mpwin = false>>\s\n[[Start Campaign from Last Save|Loading]]\n\n[[Multiplayer|Server]]\n<<if $mpwins eq 10>> ''Rank:'' Frymaster General<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($mpwins gte 7) and ($mpwins lte 9)>>''Rank:'' Grilltenant (<<print $mpwins>> wins)<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($mpwins gte 4) and ($mpwins lte 6)>>''Rank:'' Waitstaff Sergeant (<<print $mpwins>> wins)<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($mpwins gte 1) and ($mpwins lte 3)>>''Rank:'' Recruit (<<print $mpwins>> wins)<<endif>>\n\n<<if $mpwins eq 10>>[[Special Ops]]<<endif>>

<<if $crouch eq true>>You stand up.<<set $crouch = false>><<else>>You crouch down.<<set $crouch = true>><<endif>>\n\n<<return>>

With a thousand-thousand eyes upon you, you stride through the great arches of the throne room, straight to the distant edges of the marsh -- you note the fish even watch you from the clearest waters, and you note also that even the clearest waters here are tinted ever so slightly red.\n\nFurther along, the landscape is mired in thick red blood. Beyond and above distant forest, you see a dark spire piercing into the sky.\n\nYou set out to [[the tower of the Blood Lord|TowerOutside]].

It was the Parliament of Owls that once inhabited the structure now known as the Tower of the Blood Lord.\n\nA stone citadel built in an aeon past by the giants who roamed the primordial earth, the Owlery (as it was formerly called) was a place of great learning, the air stuffy with odiferous dung and decomposing pellets during the day, but as night fell, thrumming with the ceaseless sounds of inquiry.\n\nBefore the Blood Lord took their tower from them the owls searched the old records and found what little, tentative information about him is known.\n\n<<return>>

The bread is quickly drying out in the desert air, but a quick poke with your index finger indicates it's not too late -- it's still soft enough.\n\nYour mouth waters at the thought of chowing down on the delectable peanut butter delight at your fingertips...\n\nBut then again, someone made it, and even if they left it here for a moment, they probably wouldn't appreciate you stealing...\n\n[[Eat sandwich]].\n[[Leave the sandwich alone]].

"I've come to seek aid for my realm!" shouts the tiny frog, as if reading your mind.\n\nHe continues: "I have searched long and hard for a valiant soul who can free my land from the terrible clutches of the Blood Lord! This land seems to be home to many warriors, among whom you certainly number. Tell me, knight, will you help us?"\n\nThe frog looks up at you imploringly, tipping the brim of his walnut cap in deference.\n\nWill you help him?\n\n[[Sure.|Showers2]]\n[[No goddamn way.|BarracksInside]]

<<timedremove 5s>>The General is so taken aback that he shoots you!\n\nYou have died.<<endtimedremove>><<timedinsert 6s>>But of course, you aren't //really// [[dead]].<<endtimedinsert>>

<<replace "They ask you about your past.">>"What is that, Papa?" they ask, pointing to the Iridescent Orb, which sits on your mantel with no function other than to <<replace "remind you.">>remind you.\n\n"A little world," you say.\n\n"Our world?"\n\n"No, one very different. One very far away."\n\n"Will we ever go there?"\n\n[[You have no answer.|old age]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

This appears to be nothing more than a rubber ball with a map of the world on it, the sort of thing you'd use to "edutain" children about geography.\n\n<<return>>

<<set $BloodLord = true>>The Blood Lord is no more!\n\nImmediately the blood drains from the room, leaving only a sticky pink residue on everything.\n\nClean, however, is the [[Iridescent Orb]] which still lies on the pillow of the Blood Lord's bed.\n\nYou pick it up and [[return to the Great Marsh.|Endgame1]]

During the great ball you <<revision dance>>are asked to dance by the highest rulers of every realm.<<becomes>>dance a waddling waltz with the Duke of Ducks!<<becomes>>perform a soulful bolero with the Baron of Beavers!<<becomes>>execute a delicate but lively spider-sized samba!<<becomes>>do the jitterbug with the bees, mapping the floor with the paths to their favorite fields!<<becomes>>are thrown into a chaotically jubilant square-dance with the whole Rat Senate!<<becomes>>participate in the mysterious masque of the owls!<<becomes>>engage in a slow and regal minuet with the more outgoing of the Herpemperators!<<becomes>>twist and shout with the Ouroborosorcerers!<<becomes>>notice, as the night draws to a close, the frog you met before, some long time ago it seems, in some place half-remembered, standing in his azure helm, alone by the doorway.\n\n"On guard even tonight?" you ask.\n\nHe smiles sheepishly. "Volunteered," he says.\n\nYou look over your shoulder. The banquet table has been nearly picked clean. The Lady Batrachiarchs who have not yet retired stand debating policy with the other royalty.\n\nNonroyals, many drunk on elderberry wine, remain on the dance floor. The orchestra has moved into a slow number to signal the end of the evening.\n\n"Just this once?" you ask, hopefully. You yourself have had more than one glass of elderberry wine.\n\nHe looks away. Can frogs blush?\n\n"Okay," he says.\n\n[[You dance.|marriage]]<<endrevision>>\n\n<<revise dance "The ducks." "The beavers." "The Spider-Queen." "The bees." "The rats." "The owls." "The lizards." "The snakes." "The frogs." out>>

<<set $folder = false>>\s\n<<set $intel = $intel + 1>>\s\nYou walk over to your bed and slip the manila folder into your pocket, resulting in a small mote in the corner of your eye informing you that there are only a few dozen more pieces of intelligence left to collect.\n\n<<if $restart lt 1>>The folder contains all your personal information. For some hypothetical outside observer, it would sure illuminate a lot of specific details about your life and character.\n\nBut you are not such an observer, so looking it over only seems to confirm that, without a doubt, you are <<cyclinglink "certainly" "probably" "most likely" "statistically speaking" "in the best of all possible worlds" "unfortunately">> yourself!<<else>>This folder contains incredibly detailed drawings that appear to be maps of some kind, labeled in a tiny script and demarcated with what might be astrological signs. Overall it's impossible to read, though one thing you think you can make out, next to a detailed sketch of a globe, is the phrase "smaller worlds within larger."<<endif>>\n\n[[Return|BarracksInside]]

Tower of the Blood Lord

<html>You flail madly in the blood, but hit nothing!</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord casts a </html><<replace "powerful spell.">><html>powerful spell.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>One more thing, I guess, while I have the time. I am a first-generation college graduate, and it's a big deal for my family. My grandfather is nearly illiterate because when he was very young he had to drop out of school and work on a Kentucky farm and take care of his half-dozen siblings and after that he worked in a factory until he retired and then the factories all closed anyway. My mom worked in factories too, for a time, but it's been mostly service industry for the past decade or so. I remember in middle school inviting my friends over to play videogames and we couldn't because the power had been shut off while I was at school because we hadn't been able to pay the bill, and I remember the incredible burning shame of those moments when I had to tell my friends to go home, to go to their houses with electricity, to ask if I could go home //with them// to their electricity sometimes, because we could not entertain ourselves in my house. So it means a lot to my family now that, well, I've done with myself what I have, and have whatever slight opportunities there are for me. Only I have this panic, because none of this working class rural poverty stuff is something you would know by just meeting me and so I'm always misrecognized due to my more immediately obvious educational background as being an upper middle-class dude from like Chicago usually. And this troubles me because it underscores how when people look at me they're not really seeing me, they're inadvertently building a version of me that and deletes a huge portion of the experiences that have influenced who I am and how I feel about the world and why I act the way I do. It's not their fault. Still, it pushes me away from my family, and from myself, in ways I'm not comfortable with, and it feels like things are set up to only push me still further away? There are all these fantasmatic projections of life that tell me I can 'have it better,' that I can be empowered or enlightened and always a cultural hero if I'm just quiet and work hard enough, this promise that if I learn to forget or ignore that these systems once excluded me then it's like they never did, just be sure to say so long to the family who worked hard but still got shut out and tough luck to all the powerless little kids with useless Xboxes. I don't know how to correct this, or how to put these parts of myself back into circulation. But if there is one thing I want out of life and art and entertainment it is the ability to be seen and to see others for who we are, not in some hypothetical space beyond the methods of mediation and representation but rather //by way of a critical concert with// them, because without these prostheses we are nothing. I want to help provide a new vocabulary that expresses our experiences in such a way that lets us look to the question of the goodness that can exist in each of us, especially in the messy parts of us that our current vocabularies try to shut down, and the good that can thus (should?) exist within the cultural objects that allow us to be the creatures we are.<html>"</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord staggers from the effort of his powerful spell!</html>\n\n[[Attack the Blood Lord|Round5]]

<html>Your sword brushes lightly against the Blood Lord's arm!</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord casts a </html><<replace "powerful spell.">><html>powerful spell.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>Fuck and piss. Fuck and piss. Piss on me.<html>"</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord collapses and is still.</html>\n\n[[Congratulations!]]

<html>The Blood Lord's defense is too high for your sword to injure him physically!</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord casts a </html><<replace "powerful spell.">><html>powerful spell.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>Fuck. Fuck and shit. What does it mean to be a good person? We're always asking questions about evil -- what is it, where does it come from, how do we stop it? But those are the wrong questions I think. I think we need to be asking some questions about good. The Great Transgression in a Certain Tradition, you must remember, resulted not in the creation of evil but rather the knowledge of it. Which suggests perhaps that evil is a purely cognitive phenomenon, and I'm speaking loosely here, because what I mean is most of the time an action, and now I mean any action, is justified in the mind of the subject, right? And so evil is not simply an act, or a thing that can be done and held up and inspected like crystal against the light, but a mode of being, and to be more to the point an intersubjective mode of being, because it is a thing that must be recognized after the fact and often by others, a thing that must be pointed out, a thing that arises out of its own sticky enmeshment in a web of perception that guarantees only that an action will be seen and not, as it were, understood.<html>"</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord staggers from the effort of his powerful spell!</html>\n\n[[Attack the Blood Lord|Round3]]

<<set $hunger = false>>\s\nYour jaw unhinges as you lean forward, your mouth widening to inhuman proportions.\n\n"Private, we need to move out!" demands the General indignantly.\n\nHis shouts become both panicked and muffled as your maw envelops him, your cheeks ballooning outward over his shoulders. There is something -- a crunch of bone -- as your gradually constricting throat crushes his shoulders or snaps his neck, you cannot be quite sure.\n\nYou devour the General whole, swallowing his boots last, cocking your head up to the ceiling to make him go down more easily.\n\nYou are now [[alone|Eat2]] in the partially destroyed assembly hall.\n\n

<html>You cannot swing your sword fast enough through the thick blood to make contact!</html>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord casts a </html><<replace "powerful spell.">><html>powerful spell.</html>\n\n<html>"</html>Fuck fuck fuck. In our contemporary culture we identify ourselves by our entertainments, and I know that this is not a completely passive phenomenon, but still. But still -- but still! -- the problem persists that we would like it to be. We want the fact that we watch Doctor Fucking Who or play goddamn videogames to tell you everything you need to know about us, we want it to plug us into some great grand network of friends with shared memories and affective investments, but we rarely stop to think about the actual work that must be done -- that is done -- but goes unspoken to ensure that these signifiers maintain an illusion of coherence at all. We want to carve these little pieces of cultural capital into our skins like tattoos and walk around for all to see that I AM REALLY INTO COMIC BOOKS or whatever, but what happens if I don't want to just pull these things into myself? What if I want to put something back out? Give back? But not just create what has been created but to change what is being created. What if I am really still naively interested in the notion that we can use our entertainment to make ourselves better people, that there is a way of //not letting these objects speak for themselves// but instead //speaking with them// or //back to them// that can in fact in theory perhaps provide some sort of ethical tool for coping with the world?<html>"</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>The Blood Lord staggers from the effort of his powerful spell!</html>\n\n[[Attack the Blood Lord|Round2]]

<<if (not $gun)>>You don't have a gun to shoot!<<endif>>\s\n<<if $SpentAmmo eq 10>>You're out of ammo. Better reload.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $gun and $SpentAmmo lt 10>><<print $shoot>><<set $SpentAmmo = $SpentAmmo + 1>><<endif>>\n\n<<return>>

<<replace "end">>end\n\nthe tower of the blood lord by michael lutz [[website|http://correlatedcontents.com]] [[twitter|http://twitter.com/WarrenIsDead]]\n\ncodes by [[leon arnott|http://glorioustrainwrecks.com/blog/584?page=1]]<<endreplace>>

They differ in age, from precocious to venerable, but all hold equal power in their service to this realm, known as the Queendom of the Frogs since the original Seven Conspirators of the Emerald Throat -- no more than palace serving girls at the time, as legend tells -- overthrew the wicked tyrant Carbuncle Toad.\n\n<<return>>

<<if ($mpwins gte 7) and ($mpwins lte 9)>><<print $mpmatch3>><<if $mpwin>><<set $mpwins = ($mpwins + 1)>><<endif>>\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($mpwins gte 4) and ($mpwins lte 6)>><<print $mpmatch2>><<if $mpwin>><<set $mpwins = ($mpwins + 1)>><<endif>>\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($mpwins gte 1) and ($mpwins lte 3)>><<print $mpmatch1>><<if $mpwin>><<set $mpwins = ($mpwins + 1)>><<endif>>\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $mpwins eq 0>><<set $mpwins = ($mpwins + 1)>><<timedinsert 2s>><html>The American military is the most powerful force on the globe when it comes to warfare...</html><<endtimedinsert>> <<timedinsert 5s>><html>and now, it hopes to become the most powerful force when it comes to flavor!</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>><html>You are part of an elite squad of soldiers, all trained to cook and serve hamburgers -- the classic American dish -- to the hungry masses of the world.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 15s>><html>But you will have competition...</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 19s>><html>If your team doesn't keep your patrons fed in a timely manner, they'll head elsewhere...</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 22s>><html>And the insurgents have set up their shawarma joint right across the street!</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 26s>><html>Fry the meat, toast the buns, hold -- or don't hold -- the mustard! Keep an eye on your customers' demand and satisfaction meters.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 30s>><html>Do what you have to do -- make the best burger you can, and make America proud!</html><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 34s>>All right! Now //this// is the reason games were made!\n\nThe matchmaker places you in a session with several other players ranked low on the leaderboards. You get stuck on serving duty, but despite one of the guys in the kitchen not knowing how to toast a bun to save his ass, you all pull together enough to win two rounds out of three!\n\nYou exchange congratulations after the game and add a few of your partners to your buddylist.<<endif>>\n\n[[Return|StartScreen]]

The Great Marsh is the last free realm, but even now his red bile trickles into the soil, into the waters...\n\nHe dwells to the south, in a cyclopean tower. At the top he waits, his blood-spew seeping forth to slowly engulf everything.\n\nThe owls report that he is a great wizard, and possesses an artifact called the Iridescent Orb that by some vague means will grant him full control of the world once he has sufficiently inundated it with his vile disgorgement.\n\n<<return>>

Outside the barracks. A few soldiers are playing basketball on the other side of a waist-high fence you just can't seem to step over.\n\nYou suppose you could [[go inside|BarracksInside]] before heading over to the Post.\n\nNumbers hovering in the center of your vision tell you that you are 89 meters from your required destination, but to get there you'll have to head back to the [[shooting range|Campaign4]].\n\n<<if ($restart) and ($sandwich)>>Someone has left a delicious-looking [[peanut butter sandwich]] on a bench unattended.<<endif>>\s\n\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

<<replace "Blood up to your knees.">>Blood up to your knees.\n\nYou have traveled for hours. This was once an idyllic forest glen. You can imagine the chittering codes of insects, the sighs of birds. Now, there is only the sound of the thick flow and drip of blood.\n\nThe heavy obsidian door to the Tower <<revision door>>stands shut before you.<<becomes>>stands open before you, the surface of the blood within quivering in arterial rhythms.\n\n[[Enter the Tower.|Tower1]]<<endrevision>>\n\n<<revise door "Open the door.">>\n<<endreplace>>

You grab a few frag grenades.\n<<set $grenades = true>>\n<<return>>

<<set $gun = true>>\s\n"Excellent choice, Private!" shouts the General in a rousing tone. "Now let's show these insects who they've crossed!"\n\nHe runs off toward the partially collapsed wall.\n\nAt his lead, you also [[head off|Campaign10]].

To the [[north|Post1]] is the gray half-cylinder of the Post, the base's command center. The American flag on its roof lies limp in the windless afternoon.\n\nTo the [[west|Fence]], the chainlink fence that separates you, the base, and the tarmac from the desert beyond. [[East|BarracksOutside]] takes you to the barracks.\n\nNumbers hovering in the center of your vision tell you that you are 62 meters from your required destination.\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

Your ''jump ability'' has <<replace "leveled up!">>leveled up!\n\nIt is now the ''hug ability''!\n\nYou may [[hug the General]].<<endreplace>>

<<replace "There is a celebration, of course.">>Particolored pennants wave from the highest treebranches of the Great Marsh.\n\nThe palace cooks, relieved that their stores may soon be replenished, use their finest ingredients with abandon.\n\nA dance floor is constructed in the throneroom.\n\nThe Batrachiarchs allow you to select your eveningwear from the [[royal collection|gowns]].<<endreplace>>

<<if $mpwins lt 10>>[[Connecting to server...|Multiplayer]]<<else>>You've racked up countless hours of online multiplayer, and honestly, it's starting to feel a little bit old. There's an ad for DLC that promises some new maps, plus a rival hot dog cart staffed by Nazi Zombies -- <html>What's that stench? It ain't just sauerkraut!</html> -- and while that sounds all well and good, it's not gonna be out for another month.\n\nMaybe you could give the campaign another go...\n\n[[Return|StartScreen]]<<endif>>\n\n<<silently>>\n<<if ($mpwins gte 1) and ($mpwins lte 3)>>\n<<set $random = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n<<if $random eq 0>>\n<<set $mpmatch1 = "You find you're kind of terrible at the grill. However, the rest of your team doesn't notice. Neither do the patrons, really. You win two out of three rounds!">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 1>>\n<<set $mpmatch1 = "This is one of those games where everything seems to come off a bit too easily -- the patrons aren't too demanding of variety, so your team spends a lot of time preparing plain meat patties, maybe with a slice of cheese. You win, three rounds out of three.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 2>>\n<<set $mpmatch1 = "Whoever's on grill duty this round doesn't have a mic, so you have no idea why he isn't paying attention to the customer demand bars. No matter how much everyone else shouts he just keeps turning things out well done. You only manage to win one round, with an overall loss.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 3>>\n<<set $mpmatch1 = "The king of ketchup -- master of mustard -- marquis of mayo. Your skill with condiments proves to be indispensible for this 3-of-3 clean sweep. You even score some bonus points for using the motion controls to make little smiley faces on the burgers.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 4>>\n<<set $mpmatch1 = "You feel like you're starting to get the hang of this multiplayer setting. You toast every bun to perfection, though there's a flub in the second round with some pickles. Your team still pulls through in the end for an overall win.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if ($mpwins gte 4) and ($mpwins lte 6)>>\n<<set $random = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n<<if $random eq 0>>\n<<set $mpmatch2 = "As you move up the leaderboards you note the difficulty in your missions increasing accordingly. You play a few rounds where customers keep trying to get in the kitchen when their satisfaction bars aren't filled quickly enough -- the player you have on the grill is freaking out about it. Nothing makes you perform like a crisis, however, so your team of servers manages to shepherd most of the patrons away from the kitchen with promises of free ice cream. You get three wins, cold. So to speak.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 1>>\n<<set $mpmatch2 = "During this game, the ultranationalist Russians unexpectedly open a Shashlyk stand on the sidewalk outside your burger joint. Patrons are now being diverted here as well as to the shawarma place across the street. A quick rhythm minigame sends your team to City Hall, where you successfully demonstrate that the Russians, at least, don't have a permit to operate on your street. Your patrons return to sustainable numbers long enough to win two out of three rounds.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 2>>\n<<set $mpmatch2 = "On higher difficulties, patrons develop allergies. Unfortunately your team chose to sink their burger customization allotments for this game into seafood variants. Several customers are sent to the hospital, meaning you lose two out of three rounds.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 3>>\n<<set $mpmatch2 = "You gotta admit, you screwed this one up. You thought you'd worked out a trick for timing the patties on the grill -- 3 seconds for rare, 6 for medium, 9 for well done. However, you got so worked up perfecting your system you actually forgot the burgers needed to be cooked on both sides. By the third round, when customer satisfaction is already in the Red Zone, you realize what you've done. Still, it's too late. Everyone on your team rightly chastises you.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 4>>\n<<set $mpmatch2 = "Your team handles the addition of vegetarian items to the in-game menu with exceptional dexterity, keeping your customers informed (vegetarian NPCs are marked with distinct t-shirts), as well as using separate utensils for meat vs. non-meat patties -- on different sides of the grill, no less. Great job!">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if ($mpwins gte 7) and ($mpwins lte 9)>>\n<<set $random = Math.round(Math.random() * 4)>>\n<<if $random eq 0>>\n<<set $mpmatch3 = "Your team this time is composed of veterans, many of whom you've played with before. However, the heinous rush at lunch hour this session almost puts you out of business, especially when you trigger the Three Day Weekend event. The difficulty of this game can seem downright punishing, yet you all manage to make it through this with a two-out-of-three win.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 1>>\n<<set $mpmatch3 = "You have enough experience points that you've finally unlocked the double-arm serving option. With a platter in each hand, you carry two tasty burgers at a time, as well as carrying your team to victory!">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 2>>\n<<set $mpmatch3 = "The unthinkable has happened: the health inspector nails you for neglecting to wash your hands while working with the grill. (This is an optional step that detracts from precious cooking time; some players insist the health inspector event is just a rumor, rather than something programmed into the game. You knew better, yet this still happened!) Your restaurant's name appears in the local paper for the code violation, so your business takes a drastic hit. No wins this game.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 3>>\n<<set $mpmatch3 = "Your team finally recognizes the insurgents' shawarma place for the threat it is when they put on a two for one deal. You could offer something similar, yet it's clear you'd take a cut in profit. You collectively decide to operate as normal. However, this results in you only winning one of three rounds. People just can't resist a bargain.">>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $random eq 4>>\n<<set $mpmatch3 = "Vegans start showing up in the restaurant, recognizable by their special hats (in addition to the t-shirts that mark vegetarian customers). Your team forgot to buy any vegan cheese, which at first looks like disaster. However, one of your squadmates' unlocked perks allows her to mix up a quick cashew-based dairy-free cheese spread substitute. A satisfying win.">>\n<<set $mpwin = true>>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<endsilently>>\s

<<if (not $gun)>>You don't have a weapon to reload!<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($gun) and ($SpentAmmo lte 1)>>You don't need to reload your gun right now!<<endif>>\s\n<<if ($gun) and ($SpentAmmo gt 1)>>You pop a fresh magazine into your weapon. Heck yeah.<<set $SpentAmmo = 0>><<endif>>\n\n<<return>>

It is the morning of your departure.\n\nThe land is terrorized by [[the Blood Lord]].\n\n[[The Seven Lady Batrachiarchs|Batrachiarchs]] have chosen you to venture to the Blood Lord's lair and put a stop to his terror. Not only will this aid the [[subjects of the Frog Queendom|Frogs]], but the many others who have been touched by the Blood Lord's mayhem.\n\nFor the Great Marsh is now a refugee camp: [[beavers]], [[lizards]], [[ducks]], [[rats]], [[snakes]], [[owls]] and countless [[beetles, spiders, caterpillars, and bees|bugs]] that creak, creep, inch, and hum in the interstices of the the world have all lost their homes to this terrible menace.\n\nYou believe are the [[the last hope|wilderness]] of the realms.

You mosey over to the frog, surprised to see that he appears to be standing on his hind legs and wearing a tiny blue hat.\n\n<<if $crouch>>You're close enough to the frog that you can see his hat is in fact half of a walnut shell that has been painted blue. How precious! What [[do you suppose he's doing here|Frog2]]?<<else>>You'd very much like to get a closer look at the little fellow, but unfortunately you're a bit too tall! If only you could somehow get closer to the ground...<<endif>>\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

Fiddlehead belts held by clasps of primrose, crowns of purplest toothwort, amaranth tiaras, sweet grass bodices embroidered with bright-eyed jessamine and dour-countenanced pansy! Red clover ruffs and shoulders winged with petals of magnolia! Trains of violet and woodbine hooked to musk-rose kirtles with pockets of daffodil! Veils woven of whole orchards of apple- and orange- and peach-blossoms! For shoes -- what else? -- lady's slipper and goldenrod buckles! Jackets of mountain laurel, kerchiefs of columbine, brooches of bergamot! Hyacinth breeches, bluebell stockings, garters of orchid and snapdragon!\n\nYou are [[stunning|party]].

<<replace "You marry the following spring.">>People from all over the realms venture back to the Great Marsh for the ceremony.\n\nThe two of you move into the heart of a lovely old cypress tree.\n\n[[You have three children in all.|children]]<<endreplace>>

"It is an honor," says the frog, bowing. "Follow me, and I will show you the gateway to my world."\n\nThe frog turns and marches with a deliberate air into the showers. You follow a few feet behind, watching as he heads straight to the center of the room, where he begins to pry up the metal grate over the drain.\n\nYou stand by curiously, wondering if you should offer to help, but with only minimal effort the frog accomplishes his goal.\n\n"This way, brave knight!" he calls up to you, before hopping down the drain and [[disappearing from view|Showers3]].

<<if (not $grenades)>>You don't have any grenades right now!\n\n<<return>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $grenades>><<print $boom>>\n\n<<display 'Dead'>><<endif>>\n\n

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The ancient polity of the lizards to this day remains nameless because the arduous deliberation of the members of the Grand Convention of Herpemperators, cautious and (let us admit it) lazy to a fault, had never agreed upon one.\n\nBut what the lizards lack in vigor they make up for in their love of whispers and gossip, and it was they who -- from their nooks and crannies, from beneath their rocks and from within their tall grass -- observed the Blood Lord in secret as he passed through the lowlands, spreading his dominion every step of the way.\n\nA giant, they whispered, as big around as the oldest oak -- no, the largest boulder -- well, anyhow, he was large. His eyes burned like fire and his skin was of waxy-white scales! And with such wild hair! Pure white, except for his beard, which was stained a deep red from the blood he almost constantly vomited forth into river, pool, hollow, or field. \n\nThe only time in remembrance that the lizards had moved with any celerity was when the blood finally covered the best sunbathing rocks in the lowlands.\n\n<<return>>

Choppers are circling overhead. Guards in the towers ignore you.\n\nBeyond the fence a caravan of Humvees surrounds the construction site of a new annex to the base. Hence the low, dull throb of the contractors' machinery buzzing in your ears right now.\n\nThe closest city to base is just visible in the far distance, at the end of a gray ribbon of road leading up into a mountain range. You'll probably have some cover-based shooting there later. Man, this is a really pretty skybox.\n\n[[Behind|Campaign4]] you is the shooting range. To your right, [[the Post|Post1]].\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

<<set $sandwich = false>>\s\n<<set $hunger = false>>\s\nCourtesy be damned!\n\nYou scarf down the peanut butter sandwich in three quick bites, casting your eyes back and forth to see if anyone is watching.\n\nNo one notices your crime, however, and you are free to continue exploring the [[exterior of the barracks|BarracksOutside]].

Blood up to your waist. Your enchanted sword whistles in your hand like an overboiled tea kettle.\n\nThis is a <<replace "kitchen.">>kitchen.\n\n<<replace "There is a stove in the corner.">><html>The stove does not work.</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "There is a refrigerator.">><html>The fridge is dead.</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<<replace "Skeleton warriors wearing jaunty chef hats sit around a dining room table.">><html>Piles of bonedust wearing jaunty chef hats erode slowly with the tide of blood.</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>Straight ahead: blood dribbles down a stone stairway to the next floor.</html>\n\n[[Go upstairs.|Tower4]]<<endreplace>>

Blood up to your thighs. Your enchanted sword mews in your hand like an anxious kitten.\n\nThis is a <<replace "solarium.">>solarium.\n\nCrystal walls streaked with blood. An array of withering potted palms and ficuses. A record player stands in the corner, <<revision record>>stuck skipping over the same tired note.<<becomes>>silent.<<endrevision>>\n<<revise record "Stop the record player.">>\n\n<html>To your left: a river of blood gushes down a stone stairway to the next floor.</html>\n\n[[Go upstairs.|Tower3]]<<endreplace>>

Blood up to your knees. Your enchanted sword sings in your hand like a tuning fork.\n\nThis is an <<replace "entrance hall.">>entrance hall.\n\nTo your left: opulent, overstuffed chairs and couches. Three or four <<replace "skeleton warriors are sitting here.">>piles of bonedust are sitting here, making a an oobleck-like substance as the blood seeps into them.\n\nApparently those were just some very old regular skeletons.<<endreplace>>\n\nTo your right: a steady waterfall of blood courses down a stone stairway to the next floor.\n\n[[Go upstairs.|Tower2]]<<endreplace>>

<<timedremove 25s>>You stand for a moment, staring down into the black, too-small drain.\n\nWhat precisely are you supposed to be doing?<<endtimedremove>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 1s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 2s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 3s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 4s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 5s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 6s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 7s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 8s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 9s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 10s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 11s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 12s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 13s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 14s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 15s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 16s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 17s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 18s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 19s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 20s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 21s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 22s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 23s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 24s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 25s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 26s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 27s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 28s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 29s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 30s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 31s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 32s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 33s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 34s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 35s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedremove 25s>><<timedinsert 6s>>You look around the showers, wondering if anyone can help you, and you notice that the white tile floor appears stained with small drops of <html>red</html>.<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 4s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 5s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 6s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 7s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 8s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 9s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 10s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 11s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 12s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 13s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 14s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 15s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 16s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 17s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 18s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 19s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 20s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 21s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 22s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 23s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 24s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 25s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 26s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 27s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 28s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 29s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 30s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 31s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 32s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 33s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 34s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 35s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedremove 25s>><<timedinsert 10s>>In fact, several spots around you are stained, some odd substance trickling across the tile and down toward the drain.\n\nIt's blood, you realize. The showerheads are dripping blood.<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 7s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 8s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 9s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 10s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 11s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 12s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 13s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 14s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 15s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 16s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 17s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 18s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 19s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 20s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 21s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 22s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 23s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 24s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 25s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 26s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 27s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 28s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 29s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 30s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 31s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 32s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 33s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 34s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 35s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedremove 26s>><<timedinsert 17s>>You look back toward the drain, thinking you want to call off the deal with this frog, but while you were turned away the drain has grown,<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 10s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 11s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 12s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 13s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 14s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 15s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 16s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 17s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 18s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 19s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 20s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 21s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 22s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 23s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 24s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 25s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 26s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 27s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 28s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 29s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 30s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 31s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 32s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 33s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 34s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 35s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedremove 27s>><<timedinsert 20s>>is still growing,<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\s\n\n<<timedinsert 12s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 13s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 14s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 15s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 16s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 17s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 18s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 19s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 20s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 21s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 22s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 23s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 24s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 25s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 26s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 27s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 28s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 29s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 30s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 31s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 32s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 33s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 34s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 35s>><html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>\s\n\n<<timedremove 28s>><<timedinsert 21s>>is wider now,<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\n\n<<timedinsert 23s>>has already swallowed you up, [[plunging you into darkness|fairyworldintro]]<html>.</html><<endtimedinsert>>

From the shadows and thickets, from the dark spaces and disused chambers, from the hollows of treetrunks and the fields of flowers they all came.\n\nThe smallest creatures, reserved at the best of times, but driven by exigency to collapse their many monarchies and autocracies and anarchies into the same small space in the hopes that the red deluge would not consume them all.\n\n<<return>>

Your vision waxes red.\n\n<<timedinsert 2s>>Your body ragdolls and you collapse to the ground.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>You are dead.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>Wow, this campaign's pretty stupid. <<if $mpwins lt 1>>Maybe you should [[check out the multiplayer|Server]]? That's what you bought this game for, anyway. You can come back to the campaign later.<<else>> Maybe there's something you're missing here...\n\n[[Restart from Last Checkpoint|Campaign4]]\n[[Go to Start Screen|StartScreen]]<<endif>><<endtimedinsert>>\n<<set $gun = false>>\s\n<<set $grenades = false>>\s\n<<set $dead = false>>\s

Blood up to your armpits. Your enchanted sword shrieks in your hand like an angry child.\n\n<html>This is a</html> <<replace "library.">><html>library.</html>\n\n<<replace "Stuffed bookshelves line the walls.">><html>Authors with half-remembered, half-illegible names peer down from the walls, safe in the comfort of their own philosophical obscurity.</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>On a white marble plinth in the center of the room, held up to eye level, is</html> <<replace "a closed box.">><html>an open box full of dog tags.</html><<endreplace>>\n\n<html>To the right: blood trickles over the stone steps leading to the next floor.</html>\n\n[[Go upstairs.|Tower5]]<<endreplace>>

You jump in the air!\n\n<<return>>

You turn around.\n\nHeavy machinery rumbles somewhere.\n\nYou stand in an ad hoc shooting range, sandbags stacked in an inscrutable formation.\n\nThree red targets have been set up a few yards ahead.\n\nIn your hands you hold an MP5 submachine gun.\n\n"We don't have all day, Private," says Sergeant Keith David. (That is probably not his name.)\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Campaign3]]

<<set $gun = true>>\s\nSky.\n\nSkybox.\n\nBlue sky, white clouds, flared sunlight.\n\nSand spreads out into infinite hills beyond the chainlink fence.\n\nChainlink fence. Razorwire. Guard towers.\n\n"Private!" shouts instantly recognizable voice and screen actor [[Keith David|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_David]], who is your sergeant. "[[Fire when ready!|Campaign2]]"

The Beaver Barony, situated as it was along the greatest rivers of the lowland, was among the first municipalities to report the evil influence of the Blood Lord.\n\nThe Ichthyocracies had for some time been complaining that there was something changing in the water, though they could not say precisely what. The beavers, however, plainly saw the rivers first tint pink, then shade red, and finally become the deepest carmine.\n\nThe Barons organized a mass exodus upland to the Duchy of the Ducks (the fish were already refugees there) and sent messengers far and wide to the realms that yet remained untouched.\n\nThe warnings, however, did not delay the inevitable.\n\n<<return>>\n

Blink.\n\n<<timedinsert 2s>>Smoke, fire.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>Shouting.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 5s>>You are on the ground, in rubble.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 8s>>Someone stands before you.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>>Someone shouts at you.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 12s>>"[[Get up!|Campaign8]]"<<endtimedinsert>>

<<timedremove 28s>>The general is a dignified white man, cropped gray hair beneath a black beret.\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>He begins:<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>"I do not need to remind you soldiers that you are part of the most powerful military force in human history.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 10s>>"There is no fight in which we cannot take a side.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 13s>>"We inhabit the globe.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 14s>>"This world is ours.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 15s>>"Modern warfare is the difference between future prosperity and utter destruction.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 18s>>"Not only for our people, but for all people.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 21s>>"Our enemy here is great, but we will be greater.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 24s>>"Heroes and legends are born from the destruction of mons-<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>>\s\n<<timedinsert 29s>>[[The room around you explodes.|Campaign7]]<<endtimedinsert>>

You enter the assembly hall and take a seat near the left-middle.\n\nThe hall is <<timedremove 7s>>only half full.<<endtimedremove>><<timedremove 10s>><<timedinsert 8s>>three-quarters full.<<endtimedinsert>><<endtimedremove>><<timedinsert 12s>>completely full.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedremove 14s>>In the low hum of the crowd you think you can hear Sergeant Keith David's voice.<<endtimedremove>><<timedinsert 16s>>The assembly hall slowly falls silent.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\nOn a raised platform at the front of the room, <<timedremove 18s>>the podium stands empty.<<endtimedremove>><<timedinsert 19s>>the General is approaching the podium.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 21s>>You think you can still hear the construction equipment.\n\n[[Nevertheless, the General begins to speak.|Campaign6]]

The barracks are empty right now.\n\nOn the far end of the room you can see your bunk.\n\nNumbers hovering in the center of your vision tell you that you are 102 meters from your required destination, but to get there you'll have to head back [[outside|BarracksOutside]].\n\n<<if ($restart)>>In the doorway to the showers you almost swear you can see a [[tiny frog|Frog]].<<else>>To your right is the doorway to the [[showers]].<<endif>>\n\n<<if $folder>>You can see that a [[manila folder|manila]] lies on your pillow. It glows with soft golden light, which makes you really want to pick it up.<<endif>>\n\n\n[[A|Jump]]\n[[B|Crouch]]\n[[X|Reload]]\n[[Y|Swap]]\n[[L Trigger|Grenade]]\n[[R Trigger|Shoot]]

<<set $laptop = false>>\s\n<<set $intel = $intel + 1>>\s\nYou slip the laptop into your pocket, resulting in a small mote in the corner of your eye informing you that there are only a few dozen more pieces of intelligence to collect.\n\nThis laptop has a plethora of information on the enemy.\n\n<<if (not $restart)>>If you wanted to (which you don't) you could read up on the Muslim extremist group the American forces are fighting.\n\nOf course, it's a given that they're being secretly backed by <<cyclinglink "the Chinese" "the British" "the Russians (ultranationalist)" "the Russians (regular)" "the Americans (ultraleft)" "the Americans (ultraright)" "the Americans (amoral shadow government)" "the Blood Lord">>.<<else>>A quick glance at the screen suggests that this laptop is cataloguing instances whenever you've felt insecure around another person, with detailed write-ups of every time you've been laughed at in public. Apparently the enemy is your own self-loathing and lingering existential dread! You chuckle. Good luck with that!<<endif>>\n\n[[Return|Post1]]

"I've got a MP5 and an AK-47 I can spare," the General says. "Which one do you want, Private? The choice is yours."\n\n<<if $BloodLord>>[[Press A to Jump|Endgame2]]<<else>>\n[[Press B to choose the MP5|ChooseGun]]\n[[Press X to choose the AK-47|ChooseGun]]\n<<if $hunger>>[[Press Y to eat the General|Eat]]<<endif>><<endif>>

"Private!" the General is shouting at you, "get the hell up and grab a gun!"\n\nYou are already standing.\n\n"It was the contractors," the General says, "I don't know who they're working for, but it had to have been. They got the goddamn drop on us!"\n\nYou have no idea how to respond to this, not that you have any option to. Guns fire somewhere out of view.\n\n"We can flank them if we keep heading around this way," the General informs you, "but first [[you'll need a gun|Campaign9]]."

Your grandchildren are playing in the garden. You can see them through the window of your parlor.\n\nYour husband, hips arthritic, hobbles into the room with the tea tray. "Lovely day," he says.\n\n<<replace "You make a noise in your throat.">>You make a noise in your throat.\n\n"Is something the matter?" he asks.\n\n"I've been thinking," you say, "and I think I finally realized something."\n\n"What's that?"\n\n[["I was a refugee too, wasn't I?"|globe]]<<endreplace>>

Men and women, young and old -- some even hold acorn caps filled with water so their tadpoles may this day catch a glimpse of the strange visitor.\n\nThese are the people who have not yet been too badly hit by the actions of the Blood Lord. Still, their grave faces and long, thin-lipped mouths belie their worry -- their hospitality to the others cannot be extended much further.\n\nClosest to the Seven Thrones stand the members of the Order of the Cerulean Stone, personal guards to the Lady Batrachiarchs, marked by their blue walnut helms. You note among them the gentleman -- knight, you must suppose -- who earlier led you to this land. You exchange nods of recognition.\n\n<<return>>