History.prototype.display = function(d, b, a)\n{\n var c=tale.get(d);\n this.history.unshift({passage:c,variables:clone(this.history[0].variables)});\n this.history[0].hash = this.save();\n\n var e = c.render();\n if (a != "offscreen")\n {\n removeChildren($("passages"));\n $("passages").appendChild(e);\n if (a != "quietly")\n {\n fade(e,{fade:"in"});\n }\n }\n if ((a == "quietly") || (a == "offscreen"))\n {\n e.style.visibility="visible";\n }\n if (a != "offscreen")\n {\n document.title = tale.title;\n window.scroll(0, 0);\n }\n return e;\n};\n\nHistory.prototype.restart=function() { window.location.reload(); }\n
<html><div class="zheader">Step 2: Review Your Information</div></html>\nBefore we show you the results, please verify your profile information.\n\n I was a: <<if $gender eq "M">>Male<<else>><<if $gender eq "F">>Female<<else>>Unknown<<endif>><<endif>>\n Looking for a: <<if $other eq "M">>Male<<else>><<if $other eq "F">>Female<<else>>Unknown<<endif>><<endif>>\n I am able to read: <<if $canread>>Yes<<else>>No<<endif>>\n My brain fixation is: <<if $brains>>High<<else>>Low<<endif>>\n\n[[(A)|GoToMatches]] Yes, everything is correct.\n[[(B)|Question1]] No, I need to make changes.\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: You Can't Read This</div></html>\nSince you have reached this point by either randomly clicking things or by some latent ability to recognize the word "brains", there is little use in presenting you with a list of your perfect matches. Remember earlier when we said there would be dozens? No, of course you don't. Silly question. Well, our system has located //thousands// of singles in your area, all of them perfectly matched and waiting to meet //you//.\n\nAwwww. That's too bad. You will never meet them.\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<<set $gender="F">><<display "Question2">>
<html><center><img src="ztitle.jpg" border=0><p />\n<a href='javascript:void(0)' onclick='state.display("Question1")' class='internalLink'><big>Enter</big></a>\n\n</center></html>\n\n<html><span class="footnote"><blockquote>Notice: This website is intended for use only by the undead. If you currently have a pulse, expect to become but are not yet undead, or have stumbled upon zombiedating.zom either by accident or on a dare, please close your browser now. You will not be satisfied with the dating options available to you at this website. The staff of zombiedating.zom reserves the right to ban or suspend members who misuse the zombiedating.zom service. Although no fee is required for using zombiedating.zom, your generous donations are appreciated. Thank you.</blockquote></span></html>\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $temp=false>>\n<<set $gender="">>\n<<set $other="">>\n<<set $canread=false>>\n<<set $brains=false>>\n<<set $percent=(Math.round(Math.random() * 9) + 90)>>\n<<endsilently>>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $gender="Z">>\nYes, well, that's not really an answer. However, we anticipated this response. You will be marked down as //unknown//.\n\nClick the letter corresponding to your answer.\n\n''Question 2''\n\nYou are interested in matches who were:\n\n[[(A)|OtherFemale]] Female\n[[(B)|OtherMale]] Male\n[[(C)|OtherZombie]] Braaaains...\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
Thank you for using ZombieDating.zom.\n\n(end of registration)
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $canread=true>><<set $brains=false>>\nThank you. Although your answer does not actually factor into our decision-making process, we needed to gauge your appetite for brains.\n\n<<display "GoToReview">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Your Matches</div></html>\nCongratulations! We have located the following matches for you! These are male singles who indicated that they would like to meet a zombie with an unknown gender. Unfortunately, we were unable to locate the dozens of matches you were promised.\n\n''Samual Sullivan''\nAge at death: 60 / Years undead: 8\n Additional: "I am... getting... smarter..."\n\n''xxGameRDudExx''\nAge at death: 19 / Years undead: 1\n Additional: "Cll... offffdut... yroolz!!..."\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<<set $gender="M">><<display "Question2">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $brains=true>>\nAh ha! That was a trick question. We merely needed to gauge your appetite for brains. Our system now has everything necessary to complete your registration.\n\n<<display "GoToReview">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $other="Z">>\nOur state-of-the-art matchmaking system is uncertain that you are still able to read. While not strictly mandatory, many of our clients do prefer partners who retain an IQ of no less than 46. To confirm, please answer the following question. \n\nClick the letter corresponding to your answer.\n\n''Question 3''\n\nCan you read?\n\n[[(A)|ReadYes]] Yes\n[[(B)|ReadNo]] No\n[[(C)|ReadBrains]] Braaaaaaaaaaaains!\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<<set $other="M">><<set $canread=true>><<display "Question3">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Please Wait</div></html>\nBad news. Our system was unable to find any potential dates for you. However, a highly trained team of, uhm, "relationship specialists" has been dispatched to your location. Please remain where you are. You will soon hear a loud banging on your door. //Possibly// the buzzing of chainsaws and pistols being loaded as well. Rest assured, this is completely normal. Again, just remain where you are. Assistance will be with you shortly.\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html>\nThank you for answering honestly. Our state-of-the-art matchmaking system still needs to find out more about you in order to locate qualifying matches among our other members.\n\nClick the letter corresponding to your answer.\n\n''Question 3''\n\nWhich of these best describes you?\n\n[[(A)|NoBrains]] I am missing one or more limbs.\n[[(B)|NoBrains]] I have holes that go entirely through me.\n[[(C)|NoBrains]] I carry with me the stench of death.\n[[(D)|NoBrains]] People often ask me if I'm feeling well.\n[[(E)|Brains]] I... Want... Braaaaains!\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $canread=true>><<set $brains=false>>\nAh, you see, that was a trick question. Not only have we ascertained that you //can// read, but an expression of sarcasm means your IQ must be //at least// 52.\n\n<<display "GoToReview">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html>\nHere at zombiedating.zom, helping you find your perfect match is important to us. That's why our system is designed with //you// in mind. Just answer a few simple questions, and within minutes you'll be presented with dozens of matches who are perfect for //you//!\n\nClick the letter corresponding to your answer.\n\n''Question 1''\n\nWhen alive, were you:\n\n[[(A)|IsMale]] Male\n[[(B)|IsFemale]] Female\n[[(C)|IsZombie]] Braaaains...\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Your Matches</div></html>\nCongratulations! We have located the following matches for you! These are female singles who indicated that they would like to meet a zombie with an unknown gender. Unfortunately, we were unable to locate the dozens of matches you were promised.\n\n''PrInCeSsPiNk''\nAge at death: 24 / Years undead: 2\n Additional: "Letme... bbb.. bbeee yur... pprncs..."\n\n''CameronDiazFan19''\nAge at death: 19 / Years undead: 6\n Additional: "Smmthng... ab.ab.abt... Mrayeeee..."\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Your Matches</div></html>\nCongratulations! We have located the following matches for you! These are singles with an unknown gender who indicated that they would like to meet a female zombie. Unfortunately, we were unable to locate the dozens of matches you were promised.\n\n''xxSuperHeroxx''\nAge at death: 22 / Years undead: 7\n Additional: "Uppp... and a... aw.. away..."\n\n''wormfood44''\nAge at death: 43 / Years undead: 3\n Additional: "th..wwrrms... craaawlin... out..."\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
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<html><div class="zrestart"><a href='javascript:void(0)' onclick='Interface.restart()' class='internalLink'><big>Start Over</big></a></div><div class="zfooter" /></html>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Your Matches</div></html>\nCongratulations! We have located the following matches for you! These are singles with an unknown gender who indicated that they would like to meet a male zombie. Unfortunately, we were unable to locate the dozens of matches you were promised.\n\n''phaqzbnmrtppt''\nAge at death: 37 / Years undead: 6\n Additional: "Whrr.. my arm... leg... misng..."\n\n''asdfgHjkl123''\nAge at death: 82 / Years undead: 4\n Additional: "whnn iwaz... yyyy... rraaaage..."\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $canread=false>><<set $brains=true>>\nThank you for once again expressing your interest in brains. This data has been added to your profile. Our state-of-the-art system is now processing your information.\n\n<<display "GoToReview">>
<<if $gender neq "Z" && $other neq "Z" && not $brains>>\n<<display HumanEnding>>\n<<else>><<if $brains && $canread>>\n<<display ZombieEnding1>>\n<<else>><<if not $canread>>\n<<display ZombieEnding2>>\n<<else>><<if $gender eq "M" && $other eq "Z">>\n<<set $temp=true>><<display "MatchEnding1">>\n<<endif>><<if $gender eq "F" && $other eq "Z">>\n<<set $temp=true>><<display "MatchEnding2">>\n<<endif>><<if $gender eq "Z" && $other eq "M">>\n<<set $temp=true>><<display "MatchEnding3">>\n<<endif>><<if $gender eq "Z" && $other eq "F">>\n<<set $temp=true>><<display "MatchEnding4">>\n<<endif>><<if not $temp>>\n<<display "TrueEnding">>\n<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Get Lost... Maybe</div></html>\nALERT! Your account has been flagged with a <<print $percent>>% chance of //not actually being a zombie//. As a result, there are no matches available for you.\n\nHowever, our elite team of "relationship specialists" would be happy to hear from you. We are always looking for qualified individuals in possession of their own weapons and skill sets to, uh, //assist// in the important work we do here. If this sounds like it might be you, just follow us on Twitter @fakesitetotrapzombies or hash tag #zombiedating.\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
This concludes the //Profile// portion of your registration. Are you ready to find out what interesting singles meet your very specific criteria?\n\n[[Yes!|Review]]\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
www.ZombieDating.zom
<<set $other="F">><<set $canread=true>><<display "Question3">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html><<set $canread=true>><<set $brains=false>>\nExcellent. That's good to hear. We have marked you down as being interested in a partner whose gender is //unknown//.\n\n<<display "GoToReview">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 1: Your Profile</div></html>\nVery good! You clicked perfectly! Many of our members prefer partners who are able to control their hands. You are well on your way to finding that perfect someone.\n\nClick the letter corresponding to your answer.\n\n''Question 2''\n\nYou are interested in matches who were:\n\n[[(A)|OtherFemale]] Female\n[[(B)|OtherMale]] Male\n[[(C)|OtherZombie]] Braaaains...\n\n<<display "FooterLogo">>
<html><div class="zheader">Step 3: Join a Horde Today!</div></html>\nCongratulations! Our state-of-the-art matchmaking system has determined that you don't really need a date. What you need is to belong. To become a part of something greater! To contribute to society!\n\nHave you considered joining a horde?\n\nWe are looking to gather a large number of zombies //just like you// at a selection of, er, "rally points" located near the offices of important political figures. Let your voice be heard! With your help, we //can// effect change in the government!\n\nSo show us those teeth! Shamble in with your best foot-dragging limp and join* a horde today! You'll be glad you did!\n\n<<display "GameOver">>\n\n<html><span class="footnote">* For more information about a rally point near you, visit our FaceBook page. ZombieDating.zom cannot guarantee your safety in the horde. This may or may not be a ploy to gather large numbers of zombies into single defenseless areas. In the event that said ploy fails, you are encouraged to unleash your aggression on said politicians. We call that a win-win.</span></html>\n<<display "FooterLogo">>