"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what? Did you lie around all day? What happened? Nothing? Are you still there"\n\n[[ I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n[[ I then decided to wait some more. | SoEight ]]\n\n

The gorilla, moving his rocket launcher not unlike someone handling chopsticks for the first time, puts three items down before you. A brass lantern, an elven sword of great antiquity and a platinum bar. Sweat breaks out on your brow. Oh no. He’s on to you. "Now tell me, Mr. or Mrs. AFGNCAAP...what would be your first action if I do this...?"\n And, pressing a button on his one launcher with his other launcher, your cuffs click open. Free. But it’s no use.\n\n[[GET ALL | getall]]\n[[TAKE ALL | getall]]

This is a port of an Inform7 CYOA. it might not work so well for you if you're not familiar with parser IF.\n\nIt was a participant in Speed-IF Jacket 4.\n\nThe premise was as followed:\n\n"As with previous versions of Speed-IF_Jacket, each participant supplied a list of blurbs (short, review-like quotes, as might be found on a book jacket), was assigned a random list of other people's blurbs, and then tried to make the game that their list suggested. No time limit was specified."\n\nThanks to Sam Kabo Ashwell for organizing the comp.\n\nBlurbs used:\n\n“Dude, even if you somehow get a movie deal out of this, it’s rude to be picking out the actors already.”\n – Sam Kabo Ashwell\n\n“Unreliable narrator. Unreliable parser. For the love of little green eyeballs, why isn’t anything in this game reliable?!?”\n – Carolyn VanEseltine\n\n“The game’s eponymous animal proved to be NONE of the adjectives the title proclaimed him to be, thank goodness.” \n– Colin Sandel\n\n“Smells like team spirit.”\n–Tanga\n\n“The spiritual successor to Galatea, if Galatea had been about a gorilla with rocket launchers for arms.”\n– C.E.J. Pacian\n\n“Seemingly engineered to punch you right in the green slimy guts of your lizard brain.”\n–Sarah Morayati\n\n“The minutely detailed simulation of the plant life was remarkable, if somewhat overwhelming.”\n– David Fletcher\n\n“The chariot race was one of the most thrilling, timed puzzles that I’ve ever enjoyed.”\n – Royce Odle\n\n\nThe authors share an email address at marius.ts.mueller@gmail.com

Okay, you finally reconcile with all she has said and done. After all those items in her old house triggered those memories, you feel like you finally understood her. You have grown yourself, in the intervening years. You now longer wear the innocent face of a child or the self-righteous, stern look of a teenager. You’re grown. Maybe you have grown to forgive. Who kno..Sorry to interrupt, but you’re being blown apart by a rocket launcher.\n\n\nTHE END

[[Some background info]]\n\n\nThere is darkness, and pain at the back of your head. Basic urges flow through your lizard brain, air, food, rest, smoochies, video games. After who knows how long you open your eyes. You're in some kind of interrogation room, small, cramped. The stone carvings on the moss-covered walls make this look like a lazily designed secret room from a videogame. With you in the room is a gorilla in a suit, who looks a bit like Ron Perlman. Only this gorilla has rocket launchers for arms. You close your eyes. 'Oh no' you think to yourself, 'not again.'And then you remember. The secret mission, from the new boss, who does look something like Michael Gambon: 'Somewhere in the Brazilian jungle, there is a new mastermind at work. We know very little, only that he killed our best agent, Bonathan Jlask. And that he's hidden in some secret temple. Well, we've heard you know how to find such places. And how to get into them.' You told him you're retired. 'No' he said, firmly. 'People like you never are.' You were about to respond, but his secretary, the spitting image of Kirsten Dunst, already handed you the tickets.Flash forward. The gorilla is looking at you. \n"What were you doing here?"\n\n[[What do you mean? I am a botanist. I was looking for a special plant. | Jungle Fever ]] \n\n[[I am a secret agent for the world government! | Too Easy ]]\n

The gorilla tries to wave his rocket launchers dismissively. He fails. He then says, "Who are you trying to fool? You wouldn’t approach a dangerous animal if you were, indeed, a renowned botanist. You know what I think you are? You are AFGNCAAP, the famous IF agent. I have a hard time making out \nanything specific about you, and that’s just odd for a fictional world that has something as weird as a me, a gorilla with rocket launchers for hands! So tell me, am I right?"\n\n[[Yes, I am a secret agent. My mission is to kill you.]]\n\n[[No. See, this is Twine. It doesn’t even have a parser or an inventory! Just hyperlinks.]]\n\n[[Yeah, a gorilla with rocket launcher hands. That *is* odd. Please tell me your story.]]\n\n

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?"\n\n[[I then decided to wait some more. | SoThree ]]\n\n[[I then decided to sneak up on it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n\n\n\n

Woosh! The baby sloth looks at you with big, thankful eyes. This will have no gameplay consequences whatsoever. I am making an important point about morality in games here!\n\nThe exciting chase (music not included) leads you up a stony mountain path. It grows smaller and smaller, but you gain on the gorilla. He sees you behind \nhim and pulls his reins to the right, to crash, er, right into you! You have to make a quick decision!1! No time to lose !11!1\n\n\n[[You decide to slow your ostriches a bit.]]\n[[You decide to whip your ostriches into full speed.]]\n[[You decide to swerve into him yourself!]]

With a back-to-basics roar the gorilla storms up to you. He growls, inches from your face. Finally he then hits you on the nose with a rocket launcher. \nWhich is far less funny than it sounds.\n\n"STOP STALLING, HUMAN!”\n\n[[ I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n

Squish! This will have no gameplay consequences whatsoever. I am making an important point about morality in games here!\n\nThe exciting chase (music not included) leads you up a stony mountain path. It grows smaller and smaller, but you gain on the gorilla. He sees you behind him and pulls his reins to the right, to crash, er, right into you! You have to make a quick decision!1! No time to lose !11!1\n\n\n[[You decide to slow your ostriches a bit.]]\n[[You decide to whip your ostriches into full speed.]]\n[[You decide to swerve into him yourself!]]\n\n

You try to pass the gorilla, but her accelerates his swerving maneuver and crashes into you. Your chariot looses ground, and you tumble down the \nmountain in a twisted mass of ostrich, chariot, and player character. You are swallowed by the green of the jungle. You are food for the insects, etc. This is \nnot the optimal ending, in case you’re wondering.\n\n\nTHE END

"Oh yeah, I bet you’d like a dialogue tree now? Lots of options to choose from? Maybe suggested topics? A long an involved talk, with me switching moods? Well, lemme tell you. Right now I am in a KILLING MOOD!"\n\n\nTHE END

The man-eating, halitosic gorilla of Brazil

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what? Did you lie around all day? What happened?"\n\n[[ I then decided to wait some more. | SoFive ]]\n\n[[ I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n\n\n

For someone who thinks of scrolling down, picking handcuffs is no problem at all. Soon you're free. As he sees this, the brute follows cliché instead of logic and runs away! \nYou are right behind him , through endless, winding catacombs, always nearly but never quite losing him, as he rounds a corner or climbs some vines. Finally, there is blinding daylight! You blink into it, as you see your enemy jump into one of two waiting, ostrich-pulled chariots. You jump into the \nsecond one and whip the ostriches into moving! (Probably breaking some Protection of Animals Act.) Speaking of harmed animals, there is a ridiculously cute baby sloth in the middle of the road!\n\n[[You drive over it, gaining more speed. ]]\n[[You swerve around. ]]\n\n

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what?" Did you lie around all day? What happened? What? Eh?"\n\n[[ I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n[[ I then decided to wait some more. | SoSix ]]\n\n\n

"Many a year ago, I was a happy AI in a rocket launcher, the newest and deadliest in weapons technology. Straight on our way to skynet, we were. But then some crazy scientist attached a gorilla to me. And now see I how look. Completely stupid! That’s why I want to take over the world. Anyway, let me \nreiterate my question."\n\nThe gorilla tries to wave his rocket launchers dismissively. He fails. He then says, "Who are you trying to fool? You wouldn’t approach a dangerous animal if you were, indeed, a renowned botanist. You know what I think you are? You are AFGNCAAP, the famous IF agent. I have a hard time making out \nanything specific about you, and that’s just odd for a fictional world that has something as weird as a me, a gorilla with rocket launchers for hands! So tell me, am I right?"\n\n[[Yes, I am a secret agent. My mission is to kill you.]]\n\n[[No. See, this is Twine. It doesn’t even have a parser or an inventory! Just hyperlinks.]]\n\n

I left the next biggest town a few days ago. My only companion was my guide, who did look a bit like Alfred Molina. Anyhoo, soon we arrived here and after some searching we found the plant. But then my guide fell into a hole. I attached my rope to a nearby statue. Only the statue had to be weighed down with sand from the nearby beach first, which I put in the linen bags which carried the clothes. Then I climbed down the hole. Down there, I felt like being eaten by a grue so I switched on my lamp. Only it didn't have any batteries. And my box full of batteries was guarded by a snake. I found a toy mouse to distract it, so I got my batteries. They were the wrong size. But with them, I could switch on the venilator for Professor Bunglay, who in turn gave me his electric shaver, which did hold the right batteries. So I went back down there again, but when I finally could see, I didn't see my guide, I saw a sleeping tiger!\n\n[[I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n[[I then decided to wait a bit. | SoOne ]]\n\n[[I probably should tell you about the plant. | textdump]]

Quicker than you can say cutscene, you’re tied up again. The gorilla looks at you. "You know, I always envied you. Getting all the treasures, defeating all those thieves, solving all those fiendish puzzles. But now look. What has the world come to? All these angsty protagonists with their guilt-ridden \nbackstories, all these branching narratives. You live in a world that no longer needs you. The puzzle is dead. But don’t worry, soon are you!"\nWith that, he lifts his rocket launcher!\n\n[[Try to get back to that one childhood memory you always shut out, and mentally reconcile with your mother.]]\n\n[[Choose any incidental memory that just happens to pop up.]]\n\n[[Please, we can talk about this!]]\n\n\n\n

Erythroxylum coca\n\nFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia\n\nScientific classification\nKingdom: Plantae\n(unranked): Angiosperms\n(unranked): Eudicots\n(unranked): Rosids\nOrder: Malpighiales\nFamily: Erythroxylaceae\nGenus: Erythroxylum\nSpecies: E. coca\nBinomial name\nErythroxylum coca\nLam.\n\nContents\n\n1 Description\n2 Taxonomy\n3 Amazonian Coca\n4 See also\n5 References\n6 External links\nDescription\n\nThe coca plant resembles a blackthorn bush, and grows to a height of 2–3 m (7–10 ft). The branches are straight, and the leaves, which have a green tint, are thin, opaque, oval, and taper at the extremities. A marked characteristic of the leaf is an areolated portion bounded by two longitudinal curved lines, one line on each side of the midrib, and more conspicuous on the under face of the leaf.\n\nThe flowers are small, and disposed in little clusters on short stalks; the corolla is composed of five yellowish-white petals, the anthers are heart-shaped, and the pistil consists of three carpels united to form a three-chambered ovary. The flowers mature into red berries.\n\nThe leaves are sometimes eaten by the larvae of the moth Eloria noyesi.\n\nTaxonomy\n\nAmong the genus Erythroxylum, cocaine-rich leaves are obtained from four taxa:\n\nErythroxylum coca var. coca\nErythroxylum coca var. ipadu\nErythroxylum novogranatense var. novogranatense\nErythroxylum novogranatense var. truxillense (see also Coca#Species and classification)\nAmazonian Coca\n\nErythroxylum coca var. ipadu, also known as Amazonian coca, is closely related to Erythroxylum coca var. coca, from which it originated relatively recently.[1] E. coca var. ipadu does not escape cultivation or survive as a feral or wild plant like E. coca var. coca [2] It has been suggested that due to a lack of genetic isolation to differentiate it from E. coca var. coca, E. coca var. ipadu may be better defined as a distinct cultivar than a taxonomic variety.[3]\n\nUnlike the other species of coca which are propagated through seeds, E. coca var. ipadu, which rarely produce seeds, is propagated through stem cuttings which remain viable for several weeks if kept moist.[2] Since Amazonian coca is vegetatively propagated, entire plantations may be populated from the same clone. E. coca var. ipadu is specially adapted to the shifting agriculture of semi-nomadic Amazonian peoples. Since cuttings of E. coca var. coca do not easily root, it is likely that E. coca var. ipadu has been artificially selected for its ease of vegetative propagation.[2] In contrast to the Andean E. coca var. coca, Amazonian E. coca var. ipadu is typically a weaker plant evidenced by the fact that after a few years plants lose their vigor and easily fall prey to disease or insect infestation. Overharvesting can speed up this process.[4]\n\nAmazonian coca is prepared differently than the other three cultivated cocas. After fire-toasting the leaves dry, they are pulverized. Once sifted, the powder is combined with ashes from plants which serve as the necessary alkaline admixture for coca chewing.[4]\n\nSee also\n\nCoca alkaloids\nReferences\n\nJump up ^ Plowman T. "Botanical Perspectives on Coca." Journal of Psychedelic Drugs. 1979. 11(1-2): 103-117.\n^ Jump up to: a b c Plowman T. "The Origin, Evolution, and Diffusion of Coca, Erythroxylum spp., in South and Central America." In: Stone D, ed. Pre-Columbian Plant Migration. Papers of the Peabody Museum of Archaeology and Ethnology. Harvard University. Vol 76. Cambridge MA: Harvard University Press; 1984. p. 125-163.\nJump up ^ Bohm B, Ganders F, Plowman T. Biosystematics and Evolution of Cultivated Coca (Erythroxylaceae). Systematic Botany. 1982; 7(2): 121-133.\n^ Jump up to: a b Plowman T. Amazonian Coca. Journal of Ethnopharmacology. 1981. 3: 195 - 225.\nTurner C. E., Elsohly M. A., Hanuš L., Elsohly H. N. Isolation of dihydrocuscohygrine from Peruvian coca leaves. Phytochemistry 20 (6), 1403-1405 (1981)\n"History of Coca. The Divine Plant of the Incas" by W. Golden Mortimer, M.D. 576 pp. And/Or Press San Francisco, 1974. This title has no ISBN.\nPublic Domain This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Chisholm, Hugh, ed. (1911). Encyclopædia Britannica (11th ed.). Cambridge University Press.\n\nExternal links\n\nCoca leaf: Myths and Reality website of the Transnational Institute (TNI)\nUnscheduling the coca leaf, UN Drug Control website of the Transnational Institute (TNI)\nCoca leaf news page – Alcohol and Drugs History Society\nErythroxylum coca flower closeup\nRetrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Erythroxylum_coca&oldid=607119710"\nCategories: Erythroxylum cocaFlora of the AndesFlora of the AmazonFlora of western South AmericaCrops originating from the AmericasMedicinal plants of South America\n\n[[continue telling the story | Jungle Fever ]]\n

You slow down, and predictably, the gorilla swerves his chariot - right into thin air! Ostriches and chariot dance the same old, short and painful dance with gravity, but the gorilla clinges to the edge of the rock. He can’t really get a grip with his rocket launchers, though, and he slides downwards ever so slowly. \n"LISTEN!" he screams, scrambling. "This is bigger than you and me. Bigger than everything! I can give you names, addresses, phone numbers, twitter names, flickr links."\n"Who is it, primate? Who is behind this sketchily defined "this?" "\n"It’s the Player-PC divsion, they’re onto us, the implementors are onto us, but it’s too late it’s\n\n\n\n//404 PAGE NOT FOUND//\n\n\n\nTHE END! YOU HAVE WON!

The gorilla sighs. "So, that’s it? I don’t even need to torture you! Well, goodbye." He aims one of his rocket launchers at you. For a second you ponder \nducking.\n\n\nTHE END

The gorilla sighs. 'So, that's it? I don't even need to torture you! Well, goodbye.' He aims one of his rocket launchers at you. For a second you ponder ducking.\n\n\nTHE END

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what? Did you lie around all day?"\n\n[[I then decided to wait some more. | SoFour ]]\n\n[[I then decided to sneak up on it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n\n\n\n

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated. "Then what? Did you lie around all day? What happened? What? Eh? Speak up!"\n\n[[ I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n\n[[ I then decided to wait some more. | SoSeven ]]\n\n\n

You decide to ram the gorilla! This works better than expected. Both chariots get wedged into each other, and soon you both swerve off the road and tumble down the mountain in a twisted mass of ostrich, chariot, gorilla and player character. You are swallowed by the green of the jungle. You are food for the insects, etc. This is not the optimal ending, in case you’re wondering.\n\n\nTHE END

"So?" says the Gorilla, irritated.\n\n[[I then decided to wait some more. | SoTwo]]\n\n[[I then decided to sneak up to it. | Waitaminute1 ]]\n

A direct hit by the rocket launcher. Your last thoughts go out to the cleaning crew here. You feel sorry for them.\n\n\nTHE END

Leaner Gilts\n"Strangle" Lei\nGain Tellers\nSlat Leering

Like a stubborn idea hammered into a pupil’s head by a determined teacher, the rocket launcher clicks. “Uh?” says the gorilla. “Must reactivate it. Sorry for the hassle. This’ll just take a second.”\n\n[[Do nothing, as it looks like you can do nothing. Just wait for death. Nothing to do. No, no. Just see another death message. | death ]]\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[[escape | paperclip ]]\n

Hey, you found a schematic for a rocket launcher in that one game on that space station with the pirates. It said if someone said "Niereleelrieleilieleelieleilieleiii", the rocket launcher would deactivate.\n\n\n[[Niereleelrieleliieleelieleilieleiii | death ]]\n[[Niereleelreileilieleelieleilieleiii | death ]]\n[[Niereleelreileilieleeleileilieleiii | death ]]\n[[Niereleelrieleilieleelieleilieleiii | escape ]]\n[[Niereleelreileilieleleeileilieleiii | death ]]\n[[Niereleelreileilleleeleileilieleiii | death ]]\n